I’m Real?

Do I get real on this blog or focus on being funny? Can I do both? Why the heck not.

I’m feeling a little unsure of myself lately, as we all do. My college career is coming to an end this semester, and I’m feeling a lot of anxiety. I’ve really only known school my entire life, I have no idea what I’m going to do.

Being disabled adds another layer, what kinds of jobs can I get? Every time I look into a job posting I think, “they’re not going to hire me, why bother?” Side note: I ask a lot of questions, apparently. I use a motorized scooter on occassion, and don’t know how they’ll take that since I would definitely use it into an interview. That’s a whole different set of complications after that: I need someone to drop me off, put the scooter together, then pick up and break the scooter down and put it into the car. It feels overwhelming and that’s a big reason why I am so reluctant to look any further.

That feels like such a lame excuse. Anyone in my life that I told that to would immediately be like “what?! We can figure it out, just go for it!” But I still don’t know, even just writing this I feel better but also silly.

Only because it feels so stupid to not do something in case of failure. I know how dumb that is, but it’s pretty clear how paralyzing it can be. I always read about how facing failure really pays off in a lot of ways, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Maybe I’ll apply for a real job today, right now. See what happens? Another question: do I disclose my disability before the interview or just scooter in and go from there?

Also, this wasn’t funny at all. Cannot do both.


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